It’s All About Traits

What type of man or woman do you like? Tall, skinny, fat, short? Long hair, short hair? Smart, funny, handy, thrifty, creative? Now, how close are those traits to your opposite sex parent?

I realize that many people trend towards those who remind them in some way of their parents. For example, my son likes light skinned women who are tall, just like me. He hates to admit that the way I am has an influence on the type of woman he is attracted to. But it is inevitable, deep down, the type or look of a person is ingrained through the people who take care of us.

So what if your opposite sex parent is not the greatest? How does that factor in? Well, it’s subliminal, and one may not recognize it at first. Like noticing the way he flicks that cigarette just like Daddy, or the way she sways when she walks. It could be the fact that he can fix anything like Pops, or she can cook like Momma. Maybe it’s a mannerism, or the way their lips spread with an initial smile. As the relationship moves forward, you tend to notice it more and more, and you think to yourself, did I just marry my mother or father?

Everyone has a positive side to them…everyone…even the meanest, abusive person in the world. And sometimes, we find ourselves attracted to that good, and not thinking about the bad that could come from it. It’s a pattern. Girls like men who remind them of their fathers, so abusive dads, take heed, your daughter could be beaten and disrespected because you are disrespectful. Mothers, your sons could be taken advantage of, or disrespectful because he sees it happening to you. If you are weak minded and weak willed, it’s possible that your child’s significant other will have some form of that.

As a disclaimer, I am not a psychiatrist. I just watch what has gone on in my life, and in the lives of those around me. I just noticed this pattern. I tend to attract guys who have some characteristic of my dad; whether it’s his cigarette smoking, his handyman skills, his spiteful words, his joking demeanor, his crazy dancing, his drinking, or his hustle. Unfortunately (maybe fortunately), those men are not around. I guess I just have to wait and see if anyone with the good characteristics will cross my path. Yep. Wait and see.


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