You Have a Write to Heal by Angenita Williams

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About five years ago, I set out on a journey I never knew existed. I knew I was depressed so to speak,  and even though I knew that depression was considered a mental illness, I felt that I could handle it on my own, and just live with it like I had all my life. I also felt as if it was a weakness, although I knew it wasn’t.

What happened that day in June 2008 changed my entire life. I began writing my portion of Revealing & Healing: 3 Women’s Stories of Survival.

What started as me just telling my story turned into being my self discovery, and realization about who and what I really am. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was hurting deeper than I thought I was. Darkness loomed over me heavily, and I didn’t know it.

When I wrote my story, I cried. Hard. That good ole’ ugly, snotty cry. Everything hit me, I cried for days. I even told my co-authors I couldn’t do it. It was too hard to be honest with me. It was too hard to be real with myself. I didn’t recognize I was that bad and that I harbored ill fillings and deep rooted hurts. I didn’t know that I really was a victim, and that I had the consistent ‘I am a victim’ mentality. My self-esteem was low. My confidence was shot, although I tried to make everyone around me believe I was confident. I was the biggest liar to myself. I had me fooled. Until I put it on paper.

I realized that as those words flowed onto the paper, the feelings of worthlessness left me, bit by bit. The longing and desire to be ‘in love’ with someone slowly crept away. I made myself a priority. I acknowledged that I can’t love anyone without loving me first. I decided to quit putting up with things that were damaging to my psyche, to my well-being, to my soul. I decided that my days would be brighter. The load was lifted. I owned up to my ills. I found my power. And I forgave myself for the mistakes I made. I made a calming peace within me.

Who knows where I would be if I never took that moment…to simply write…

I’m not totally healed, but five years ago, I was wounded. The wound was covered with the bandages of ignore; slathered with guilt. They slowly bled – open sores that refused to heal, almost diabetic. Now, the bandages are removed, the bleeding has stopped, and the scab has formed. It’s even started to peel. Pretty soon, it will be a scar and become a reminder of where I used to be. Eventually, the scar will become a faded mark…

If you are in Indianapolis, come and see me discuss the entire process, and listen to some who have been there just like me. March 30, 2013. Indiana Convention Center. 9:00 AM to 11:00 AM. Tickets are $7 in advance and can be purchased at http://writetoheal-es2004.eventbrite.com/?rank=1 , or $10 day of seminar.

Bring an open mind, an open heart, and a receptive spirit. You, too, can begin to heal. All it takes is a pen…

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