A Tad Bit of Randomness by Angenita Williams

I struggled to find something to write about this week. I don’t know if it was a simple case of writer’s block, or if it’s the fact that I’ve done a lot of reflection and I couldn’t decide on which reflection to write about.

So, I guess I’ll hint on a few of them.

This week marks the one year anniversary of my cousin’s death. I think about him often, sometimes breaking into tears when I remember watching him pass away. The epitome of strength just gone. The wound is still a little fresh for me. I keep moving on because I know that is exactly what he would want me to do. He would tell me to quit all that mess, and go on and do what you gotta do to live…RIH Big Will.

Another ‘holiday’ has passed, and my dad didn’t call. I don’t even know why I expected him to, or even wanted him to. I surprised myself when I actually thought about it; it’s never made a difference before, so I can’t fathom why it’s making a difference now. But, I digress. I came to the realization a long time ago that I will never be Daddy’s Little Girl. But then, I watched Oprah’s Lifeclass about Fatherless Sons, and Single Mothers of Sons and How to Spot and Stop Toxic People. It hit me when a panelist stated that there is a hole in a kid’s soul the size of their father. And, there is. Even now. And it’s like, woooow. Although I am fully grown, my own woman, there is that hole that will never be filled. The realization of that shows me that healing is a journey; sometimes a long journey. It doesn’t quite hurt anymore, but it’s a nagging feeling. My heart isn’t heavy, but there is a feeling that I can’t quite describe. My journal is getting quite full.

I often wonder where this journey of life will take me. Success is near; I feel it in my bones. I feel as though God has introduced me to various people to allow me to head towards success. In the last two months or so, I’ve met a lot of people who have the same visions that I do, have the same goals, and have the spirit, drive, and passion boost I needed to see. I embrace that wholeheartedly.

I ask myself if I’m doing enough to pursue my dreams. Am I working hard enough? Do I spend too much time doing other things I shouldn’t? Too much sleep? Not enough? Am I compassionate? Daring? Ready to take on new challenges?

No. Probably. No. Yes. Very. Very. Absolutely.

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