Anxious and Deserving by Angenita Williams



When I say that life is a roller coaster, I mean exactly that. All through it, we are in a constant search of ourselves. We hold on to things that we shouldn’t and let go of things that should remain with us. What do I mean?

Basically, holding on to the notion that good things cannot happen to you, and letting go of the good that happens to you.

Why are we so apt to believe that there is a shoe going to drop when something good is on the horizon? Why are we so easy to fall for the negative than to stand up for the positive? Why can’t we understand that happiness is not something that is blatantly on the surface, but in your spirit?

I’ve been on a struggle. When you are trained to believe that only certain things happen to certain people, anxiety creeps in because you never thought of yourself as one of those people that certain things could happen to. Things are kinda looking up for me, but I’ve been extremely anxious about it. Anxious because these are new horizons. Anxious because the old me couldn’t fathom good, big things happening. Anxious because I have to be able to trust the good in people. Anxious because…it’s…different. It feels…different.

My stomach has been in knots. My head has been hurting. My heart has been racing. All because of the anxiety that I might JUST make it. I AM going to make it. I feel it deeply. And because I feel it so deeply, the old negative side of my brain that I’ve been working on is keeping me nervous about getting to a place that I’ve longed to be at some time. A place that I’ve worked so hard to get to. A place that I know I deserve to be in. Why should I be a slave of the time-clock and be told what I am worth as opposed to being in and doing what I love to do, while earning a living? Because – I was told to have a job, not live a dream.

But dreams come true – no matter what age. By the age of forty, I’ll be there.



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