Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

Broken Hearts, Broken Spirits by Angenita Williams

Everyone has had a broken heart at some time or other. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, the loss of a loved one, or a wayward kid, we all know and understand what heartache is. What do we know about broken spirits?

Broken spirits go beyond a broken heart, although, having a broken heart is like a precursor. First your heart is broken, and you begin to feel as if the pain will never end. Broken spirits take it a few steps further in that you become depressed, and life just isn’t what it used to be. Happiness seems so far away. Loneliness sets in and you get into a destructive cycle. Sleeping around for attention, abusing drugs or food to ease the pain. Closing yourself off from the whole world. When your spirit is broken, you wake up every day as a dead person walking. You’re alive, but your spirit is gone. Your joy is gone. Your very livelihood has vanished. Bitterness and anguish take hold of your life. You smile, but there is no joy behind it, and your eyes tell the story – you’re broken.

Spirit Breakers are people who specialize in breaking other people down for their own selfish, ungrateful, personal gain. Sometimes, it’s really hard to spot them because they wear the mask of someone who you think really loves you, but only loves you in words only. For example, if someone loves you, wouldn’t you get some attention from them? Just a little? If someone loves you, wouldn’t they lift you up instead of putting you down? Would they stay out all night, not on the clock? Would they take and take and take and never reciprocate? Wouldn’t you be the most beautiful person to them? And most of all, wouldn’t they respect your very being?

How can you recover from having a broken spirit? I don’t really know. It’s a progress that takes it one day, one moment at a time. The first key is to know that your spirit is broken. Once you can realize and recognize that, then fixing the broken should be at the forefront. But don’t wait too long…misery can be strangely comforting since it’s familiar, and it will keep pulling you back into the pain cycle, if you let it.

Lastly, writing it out – all the pain – can help you focus and understand what’s happening inside you. I encourage you to pick up a notebook and pen, or open the laptop, and pour your soul onto those pages. You just may get your spirit back on track.

P.S. –  Add some prayer cause God sure does hear them.

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Nothing Better Than Family by Delina Hill-Brooker

This weekend I had the pleasure of having a house full of my family members. Our household which is usually five people turned into a house of fourteen. My mother along with my sister and her family (husband and six children) came down to visit. The kids had no idea of the trip, and I cleaned like a mad woman trying to prepare our house for that many people. I always super clean when we have company come in, but since it was my brother-in-law’s and nieces and nephews first time visiting, I wanted them to be as comfortable as possible. My husband jokingly stated that my sister and crew should come more often so I would deep clean more often.  🙂 *sarcastic hahaha*

We anxiously awaited their arrival at 2:30 am then when they got in we stayed up until 4:30 laughing and joking. The next morning my oldest niece made breakfast…it quickly disappeared. We made multiple runs to the grocery store. Friday night my husband bar-b-qued chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, smoked sausages and his world famous grilled potatoes and baked beans.

Saturday we to Stone Mountain Park and enjoyed the laser show. Sunday we went to Six Flags. It felt like the sun moved from wherever it was and beamed right over Six Flags. From there we enjoyed ice cream from Bruster’s which is really a meal in itself. The kids made pallets on the floor and watched movies until the crack of dawn every night. We played tricks on the first one asleep, and the last one awake.

When they left Monday afternoon in was bitter sweet. As much as we enjoyed our family being together we knew that the time would come to an end. My baby girl kept asking where everyone had gone.

I love my blood family and my extended family. I enjoy all of the time we spend together. I cherish the moments that I get to spend with my family, because since I moved out of town eleven years ago, I don’t get to see them as often as I like. I would love for my family to move to Atlanta so we can have more of these moments. Until then…I’ll look forward to getting to hang out with the family again. Who knows maybe we’ll do a family vacation somewhere else.  🙂

Unwelcome: The Muslims Next Door by Delina Hill-Brooker

I watched the CNN documentary “Unwelcome: The Muslims Next Door” that was filmed in Murfreesboro, TN and was more than disturbed in the manner so called “Christians” were treating people of another faith. What happened to “Loving your neighbor as yourself?” or the Golden Rule that I learned as a child, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I am a Christian. I was born Christian and was raised in the United Methodist Church.  I’m not sure if I know any Muslims personally in my adult life, but there were a few Muslims in my school growing up. I noticed that they would wear their scarves on their head, they would not take pictures, but just like my friends who were raised Apostolic and always wore long dresses/skirts I didn’t think much of it then nor do I think much of it now. But watching the documentary has really opened my eyes as to how IGNORANT some people in this so called ‘best country in the world” are. I was VERY disheartened to hear the thoughts of a black man regarding the Muslims building a Mosque. The only thing I agreed with that he said is that the disagreement should not resort to violence.

The views of the non Muslims were that if the Muslims were allowed to build a Mosque they would become terrorists who practice Sharia law. (The oppression and torture of women). Which is not the way of Muslims, but it is a way of some nations where a lot of Muslims dwell. But hell, the way I see it is there are a lot of “Christians” who beat their women and don’t treat them as their equal here in America. Furthermore Sharia law is prohibited in the United States, so that would not be possible for them to practice it in the Mosque if that were the case.

The “Christians” were making remarks like,

“The mosque is a training center for terrorists.”

“I didn’t say we hate them, we just don’t need them here.”

“It wasn’t Christians or Jews that flew the planes into the twin towers.”

“They are against everything we believe in and we don’t want them around.”

“It’s ok for them to claim the religion, but it’s not ok for them to practice it.”

Do these comments sound like they are coming from Christians? Not any Christians I would want to be around.

The so called Christians went to the extreme as to cause an arson fire and vandalize their sign twice, and calling Muslims threatening them and cussing them out. While they were being interviewed there were shots being fired in the distance. Hmmmmmm, but the Muslims are the terrorists? What would Jesus do? Would they be firing shots at them if Jesus were standing right there? If you want to take it a step further they bought the land from a guy whose family owned the land for the last ninety three years in an auction. He accepted the money didn’t he? I bet he is feeding his family and setting up trust funds off of the $323,000 made from selling the fifteen acres to the Muslims. I wonder if he paid his tithes with that money or if any of his fellow “Christians” are harassing him about receiving money from Muslims.

Just like the radical terrorists Muslims made the other Muslims and the Nation of Islam look bad, the ignorant bigots in the documentary made Christians and America look bad. If America is the land of the free, then WHY are they not free to practice their religion? America is supposed to be the place that welcomes all to have a better life. If they came over here legally we should treat them as Americans. This whole documentary got under my skin so bad because it was just history repeating itself. Just like Indians, slaves, black people and women were oppressed and kept from living a life of freedom, it is happening again. Which is why I found it even harder to find there was a black man on the same ignorant band wagon as the other prejudice people in that town. As a black woman I find it hard to believe that someone who’s ancestors has gone through the struggle of segregation and not being able to vote can be so narrow minded about this. Have we forgotten that slavery was not that long ago? Slaves were not free until 1863 (148 years ago) If you look in your grandparents photo album I’m sure you will find pictures of former slaves and slave owners in your bloodline. And even after the slaves were free, they still weren’t free.

So let’s flip the script for a moment. If you are white and your ancestors owned slaves, should we blame all whites for slavery and the raping of black women and separation of families and being breed like animals? Should we blame you for slavery when you don’t believe in slavery, but your family line is better off even now because your ancestors had slaves? Are all white people from the south murders because SOME of their people hung black people? These are not fair statements. How does it feel to be put into a box? Everyone has to be judged individually!

I guess the main point I am trying to make is you can’t generalize and put everyone in the same box. All black men are not rapist and thieves, all black women are not loud and sassy, not all white women have flat butts, not all white men secretly want black women. All gay men aren’t looking at the next guys behind, and all lesbians aren’t interested turning out the next unexpecting straight girl. Need I go on?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and beliefs, but before you make comments against others PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read up on the subject. Don’t be so narrow-minded. Just because others are different from you does not give you the right to treat them unfairly. God is love. God loves us all even the people who don’t believe in him. If we are striving to be God-like we should show love in all instances. If I were not a Christian, the “Christians” that I saw in this documentary would NOT make me want to be a Christian. *Singing* “They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love. They will know we are Christians by our love.”

What’s in a Dream?

What’s in a dream? I mean really. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. Fredrick Douglass had a dream. Oprah Winfrey had a dream. EVERYONE HAS DREAMS. I’m not talking about the dreams you have when you close your eyes and go to sleep. I’m talking about the dream of what you want to do with your life, if you could have your perfect life. If your circumstances weren’t how they are now, how would you prefer them to be? The dream you had as a child of what you wanted to be when you grew up and how many kids you wanted to have. There’s a saying that nothing comes from dreamers, but dreams. What is your dream? What are you doing to make your dreams your reality? Having a dream doesn’t mean that you will wake up and your life will have done a complete turn around. But everyday is a new day to make your dreams your reality, even if you have to take a lot of small steps to get there. Dreams plus action turns into reality.

 

I love hearing stories of entertainers and even ‘every day folk’ who talk about how they grew up in the projects, and now they are multi-millionaires. I love to hear the journey stories of how they got to where they are now. Or the people that have been through different types of abuse and handicaps, made it through, and made a better life for themselves. They had a dream that their life could be better and made it so.

No matter what your age, circumstance, or what others say. NEVER stop dreaming. Never give up hope. You could be the next Christopher Gardner, Oprah, J.K. Rowling, Jay-Z, oh the list goes on.

Keep your dreams alive. The power is in you!

Are You Prejudice? by Delina Hill-Brooker

I had a conversation with a close friend of mine a few weeks ago. She told me that she was happy that her son broke up with his white girlfriend because she really didn’t like her. She wanted him to be with a black girl. She went on to say, “I admit it, I’m prejudice.” I disagreed and posed the question, “If the ex-girlfriend kept him happy and wasn’t doing any harm what difference does it make?” She replied, “Well, when you are in an interracial relationship it’s just harder. Maybe it’s because we haven’t equipped them to deal with the things that come with dating out side of your race.” Now I have never dated outside of my race, but the truth of the matter is, ANY relationship can be hard. Dealing with other people can be hard. You would think that in today’s times people (especially black people) wouldn’t think this way. We are so quick to pull the race card, but if this is our mentality how often can the race card be pulled on us? We all have our preferences and that is fine, but to not like someone for this one reason to me is not acceptable. To each it’s own. God is love and we should love each other as God loves us. `If we are unable to love others for silly things, things that they cannot control, why should others love us and treat us with respect for who we are? In closing I’d just like to say, if it is a healthy relationship and you love and care for each other…Do what makes you happy.

True Forgiveness – Tyler Perry’s Interview on Oprah by Delina Hill-Brooker

I’m not sure if everyone had a chance to watch Tyler Perry’s interview on Oprah. He spoke of several instances of abuse towards him from physical beatings by his father, to sexual abuse from multiple adults both men and female. Because of his abuse and no outlet to tell and get the proper help as he grew older like a lot of sexually abused children he struggled with his sexuality. “I knew I liked women, but my body betrayed me when I was touched by a man” he told Oprah. Who wouldn’t be confused when your body is ‘responding’ to what is being done to you, but your mind hates every moment?

Tyler told a story of how his father beat him unmercifully one day and he couldn’t escape in his mind to a safe place he felt as if the child in him died that day.

About a year ago Tyler started speaking about his abuse from his father. His father said, “Maybe if I beat you one more time you would’ve turned out to be Obama.” I’ll be the first to admit that I was floored when he said that he takes care of his father. Even though he said that he was trying to honor his mother and father and said that he had forgiven him; my first thought was that his father still had some type of hold on him. To me taking care of his father on a monthly basis did not equal forgiveness. I understood that it was never about the money, because that’s nothing to Tyler, but it’s the principal of it all. I don’t think I could be my father’s soul care provider given the situation. I’m all for forgiveness and moving on. I speak about the process of forgiving my father for his sexual abuse in my story of the book Revealing & Healing: 3 Women’s Stories of Survival. Tyler does not speak to his father nor does he have any type of relationship with him. I guess I would feel a little differently if his father actually apologized and admitted to his wrong doing, but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened.

I called my sister who is also a minister ranting and raving, she always has a way of putting things into perspective for me. We are supposed to honor our mothers and fathers. If that’s what God placed on Tyler’s heart to do then that’s what he is supposed to do. That’s probably why he is so abundantly blessed now. I told her of how until I saw Tyler’s interview I THOUGHT I had forgiven my father, because even though I don’t wish anything against him, there’s no way I would be willing to take care of him in any capacity. She told me that I can’t compare my journey to his and I don’t have the means to take care of my father like that yet so right now its not an option. She reminded me that God provides everything we need even when we are not worthy. Even with all the wrong we do He still wakes us up every morning, the sun still shines every day, He still allows the rain to fall to provide for us. We are supposed to be like that. I can only hope and pray that not only will I be as financially successful as Tyler, but that if it is God’s will that I will be able to forgive and do for others in the way He wants me to.

Makes you think huh?

“The same strength it took for you to take it, is the same amount of strength that it takes to let it go.” – Tyler Perry

If you missed it here is a clip of part of the interview:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Tyler-Perry-Talks-About-Being-Abused-Video

In My Mind – by Angenita Childs

For the last few weeks, I’ve been listening to the same few songs on my Blackberry. These songs are reminiscent of a time in my life where I was struggling through something.  Most would think I was crazy to listen to the words of “5 Miles to Empty”, “Real Love” and “Nothing Left to Say”. I even have Vivian Green’s “Cursed” in the loop more than once.

As I listen to these words, I think about how I felt then, and how I feel now. Some of those same things are in me today. Only difference? I’m listening to them with a renewed heart, a renewed strength, so instead of shedding tears at the first chords of the songs, I’m thinking of what it is that I really want in life. “I need a good man to fill me up, I need a good man to give me love,” Brownstone sings, and I feel that to the heart.  But for a good man to fill me up and give me love, I have to love me so that I know what real love is when I see it, and it not be what I think it should be based on false pretenses, false words, and false hopes. Real love isn’t the fantasy of Prince Charming. Real love is based on respect, honesty and dignity.

“Love was so strong, at least in the beginning who would have thought there’d ever be an ending.” Mint Condition captures my whole experience because those words have fallen on me more than once.  Those words, they hurt, and they hurt deeply. I’ve thought many relationships I’ve had would be that one to last and I wouldn’t have to look any further, however each one ended. “They say if you love something, you’ve got to let it go, and if it comes back, then it means so much more. But if it never does, at least you will know, that it was something you had to go through to grow.” Heather Headley was right. Now I find strength in the fact that I can realize that sometimes, there has to be an ending for people to grow. And although I’m not perfectly happy with that, I understand that stagnant relationships are toxic, and neither party can be truly happy in a limbo state. Where there is no growth, there is no life, and I have more life to live.

“Don’t be afraid of the way you feel. Open your heart and you’ll see it’s real. It’s real love.” Skyy released this song in the eighties, and the same message applies. People still run from love. Through all the pain and things I’ve experienced in my life, I won’t run from it. I aspire to be there.  I know that one day, I’ll have that real true love that grows, and carries me to heights I’ve never reached before. I still have hope that my guy will find me. He won’t give me that crazy fantasy that I’ve had; he’ll give me that real live, real love through support, caring, openness, sharing, tenderness, and understanding. He’ll encourage me, tell me when I’m wrong, and be my friend.

But, before he can do that, I need to be my own best friend; be a better person. I need to bring all of me, not just the parts I want to be known. Be strong in my daily. Be ready to receive what he gives, and ready to give what I receive. Because if I can’t reciprocate, I’ll be right back in the same boat: stagnant relationship without growth, eventually going through another ending. Looking to the outside to give me everything I want isn’t reality, so before I can expect for someone else to give all that to me, I’ve gotta give it all to myself. Then, and only then, will I attract that person to me, and he’ll love me for exactly who I am. And, while it won’t be “perfect”, it will be real.

Girl Interrupted by Delina Hill-Brooker

This weekend I had the extreme honor of witnessing something as beautiful as a newborn baby. My friend Denise Butler formed a non profit organization by the name Girl Interrupted.

There were 12 young ladies from the ages of 9-18 and 1 adult who ‘graduated’ and took a vow of purity. For those of you who have no idea what that is; these young ladies were promising God and their selves that they would practice abstinence until they are married. In doing this it is a fact that God will send them their ‘Mr. Right.’

The ceremony was a testimony in itself, but the concept of it all is unfortunately in most cases is unheard of. what better way (only way) to break the cycle of teen pregnancy, abortion, STD’s, or just the mere uncertainty of what if. what if I’m pregnant/got her pregnant, STD etc. Not to mention the depths of the heartbreak when the relationship doesn’t work, baby mama drama and even divorce. What better way to do God’s will and simply wait. We wait on our tax returns, on the clock to tell us when it’s time to leave work. Some things we have a choice to wait on, others we don’t. So what’s the big deal about waiting for this.

Why is it so common that we give a piece of ourselves so easily? We have become so numb and desensitized to sex and relationships by what we see on TV and hear on the radio. We no longer need premium channels or censored radio to become over exposed to sex everyday. It used to be taboo that people had sex before marriage. Although it did happen it was rarely spoken about. If a girl did get pregnant she was sent away out of site and out of mind to a make believe ‘retreat’ or school abroad until she had the baby and gave it up for adoption. Now it’s taboo to hold out. Now the virgins are the minorities. Now things are more open and available to easy. Now the talk is: “Practice safe sex.” Is there really such a thing as safe sex? I am married and practiced safe sex AND STILL GOT KNOCKED UP! J

I know that in today’s world it is not likely that teens and the unwed will practice celibacy. Mostly because of the world around us. Sex is everywhere. Therefore it is not necessarily expected of us/our teens to practice celibacy. But with these 13 young ladies, it is a beginning, and if we can begin to reprogram our children’s minds and as their mindset changes so will the worlds. Sitting at the program I started to day dream and invision (the way I do) J crowds and stadiums full of young girls taking and keeping that vow too. Then I started to think, ‘What about the guys?’ Why do the females have to take the first step? Is there the same type of program out there for young boys and men? They would have to have the right role models to keep them focused and on the right track. I would think it would be harder for a guy to be celibate especially with the thought that is their ‘duty’ to be a player and get as many notches on their belt as possible.

Then I thought back to my own life. A good girl for the most part, but I guess not really… I was pregnant at 15 and a single teen mom at 16. It didn’t seem like such a “big deal” to me at the time. I was ‘grown’ or dang near grown in my eyes, but looking back now…WOW! No wonder people were giving me the funny glances. No wonder everyone spoke of me as a baby having a baby. I look at my son who is almost 14 and in no way can I imagine him being a father in two years or doing the things I was doing in a year!

I don’t really remember my mother TALKING to me about sex, safe or abstinence. If she would’ve made it clear of her expectations the possible consequences, possibilites or emotional attachment at stake would I have made better choices? Who knows and it does no good for me to speculate now. I do however make it my business to TALK to my children and EXPECT them not to make the same bad decisions that I did, and more importantly explain to them why. Would I have practiced abstinence if it were been explained to me in the biblical sense? Would I have given it a second thought if it was a mandatory requirement like going to school, making good grades, graduate, clean up?

There is always a world of possibilities in the world of ‘what if.’ The world does not come to an end if you have unfortunate circumstances due to bad decisions that YOU made for yourself. You CAN rebound and still have a great life, but WHAT IF you could’ve avoided A LOT of things just by doing, or should I say NOT doing one thing? Needless to say I was remarkably inspired by Denise and her program Girl Interrupted and the ladies. The inner child in me wished that someone in my life would’ve snatched me up and taught me the lessons and instilled those values into me. I’m ok NOW, but SO much could’ve been avoid if…what if.

For more information on Girl Interrupted please visit: http://www.GirlInterruptedMentorship.vpweb.com

Depression Hold – by Angenita Childs

// <![CDATA[// Nobody knows the trouble I see cause they ain’t me. See finger pointin’ and whispers dispel their concern. On the other hand I’m a rumor…something made up to be talked about without facts. But rumors hold no truth…or do they?

Nobody knows my pain…blood that pumps from my heart hurts with every gush. Pushing the pain throughout my eternity. But they say it’s in vein and my pain ain’t no worse than anybody else’s. How they know? Do they get piercing shocks through their skull with every beat? Can they feel the sting in my eyes,  for they are the gateway to my pain.

I hurt  from the lies I see. I hurt from the loud whisper I hear. I hurt from the very essence of being. Do they know that? Do they know that my heart aches at the thought of what if, what could be? Do they know my heart pangs from the fallacy of that tortured emotion we all seek?

Nobody knows my ills. The pain of breathing like air is missing. Nobody knows the fear behind my pen. My wrists burn as if I placed them on fire.

Nobody knows the pain in my feet because these shoes I’m walkin’ in are too small..every step a hard lesson, confession that I walk alone in this world…enclosed by pain and suffering. My nose bleeds from the stench of no worth, no love, just painfully inhaling toxic fumes of fake asses. Distrust fuels the aura . Not knowing or feeling a purpose…just feeling…something…pain…

Nobody knows and can’t walk in my shoes. All they can do is feed from the deception of their eyes never looking in their hearts for a deeper meaning…

Transition-by Delina Hill-Brooker

Transition-A passage from one state, stage, subject or place to another, change, movement, development or evolution from one stage or style to another.

That describes exactly how I feel today. I am in transition on many different levels. From my personal growth and learning who I am, what I thought I wanted and discovering the new found wants and needs. In my marriage, we are in transition we just celebrated our 7-year wedding anniversary. WOW now 10 years ago I did NOT see that coming. In my business (Lioness Vizions) we are in transition to a new level. We started our first project (Revealing & Healing: 3 Women’s Stories of Survival) two years ago. BEFORE WE STARTED Lioness Vizions!!! And the progress we’ve made in such a short amount of time is AMAZING. Our individual household dynamics have even changed as well as our business roles. Even my role as a mother is changing. My oldest is about to enter High School. He’s making me remember some of the silly and stupid things I did at his age just because I didn’t think first. Our conversation has changed. He’s changing. He’s no longer the little boy that I have to watch over his every move. My middle child is starting Kindergarten; my baby is going to a new daycare. Everyone in around me, we are all going through a transition together and by ourselves. I’ve always known that when ‘IT’ happens, it will all happen at once. I really feel that’s where I am now.

It feels a little weird, but I’ll take it. The awkwardness is only awkward because it’s different and new. If I want to embrace my future I have to embrace the change, because my past is NOTHING like I want my future to be. So it’s almost like I’m fighting myself because the ‘comfortable’ way is the old way, the new way is not uncomfortable, but it’s out of my comfort zone.

Before I decided to move to Georgia a friend of mine told me, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” She probably doesn’t remember telling me that, but it has stuck with me for all of these years. Back then I wanted a change in my life, on all levels, professionally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. That was ten years ago. So much has happened within these ten years I look back and I amaze myself. The people who were good for me are still here or have re-entered into my life. The people that were no good for me are…gone.

You see life has a way of working itself out – if you let it. But you’ve got to be willing to go through the transitions.

Happy transitioning!

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