Archive for the ‘Living’ Tag

Are You A Groupie? By Angenita Williams

GLPIC

 

Are you a groupie?

Merriam-Webster says a groupie is a noun that means a fan of a music group who follows the group on concert tours.

Urban dictionary says a groupie is a young woman, often under age, who seeks to achieve status by having sex with rock musicians, roadies, security, and other band-related guys.

Does that describe anyone you know?

I heard the song Groupie Love by an indie artist Young Mac about a year ago. (Check the photo.) The more I listened to it, the more I really get it. Although the title would have you thinking otherwise, it’s obvious that the woman being described in the song is a hurting woman.

“I can tell it’s groupie love cause she aiming to get rich.”

Listening to the lyrics on the surface would have you think the narrator is talking about the typical groupie – backstage at all the shows. Heels on point. Body a ten. Making sure she gets chosen. But a deeper listening reveals that this “groupie” isn’t typical…she has the “aim” to get rich…but the “rich” isn’t the rich that one thinks of when they speak of rich.

In this aspect, rich means love. She wants to be rich…in love… jumping from body to body in search of this elusive love…the love that every girl dreams of. Yearns for. And when that love isn’t there, then substitutes are there to take the place…money…attention…sex. Selling herself short for the illusion of desire. She’s broken. And the narrator tells her, “I can feel your pressure.”

How much pressure are we under to find love? For us single ladies that are 35 and up, how much pressure do we bear when we wake up next to pillows every morning? When you just wanna hug and hear a deep masculine voice say it’s gonna be alright? I know…Momma never said there would be days like that….because Momma never let it show that there ARE days like that.

Navigating the world of relationships is real tricky. Mainly because everyone has baggage to unload, and everyone wants to remain selfish….when love has nothing to do with selfishness…it’s so selfless. You willingly give your all because love is about growing the other person, not what you can get out of them or from them. You have to make sure that person has your best interest at heart…But you can’t wait too late or you’ll end up broken and bitter.

Self-love is the key to deflating the pressures of being single. No one can love you if you don’t love you, and if you don’t love you, you can’t possibly love anyone else. So for the groupies in the world….take a pause…love you…Nothing will give you more satisfaction until you realize that love you seek is right there in you…

“Go ‘head and show that groupie love…go ‘head, you know that groupie love….”

Am I Not Good Enough? by Angenita Williams

*This is NOT a blog about being sad, or feeling unworthy. It IS a reflection.*

In the midst of my reading and studying, I usually play music or have the TV on for background noise. Sometimes, I have both. But yesterday, I decided to listen to the YouTube personality April Mason. She is an empowering woman with some really good points. I just wasn’t ready for what she had to say.

She had a letter from a young woman who explained that there was a guy she was “dating.” He was nice. He treated her well. He was fine. His sex was awesome. But he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Although he did all the things that couples do, he made it clear that a relationship was something he did not want. She was understandably confused. His actions did not match his words….definitely something I can relate to.

April went through all the usual relationship advice: why buy the cow when you get the milk for free; you allowed him to dictate the “relationship;” you must love yourself first…and so on and so forth. But then she said this:

“This may sound harsh, but you are not good enough.”

I stopped studying.

“You are good enough to hang out and go to the movies with. You are good enough to share meals with. You are good enough to have sex with. But you are not good enough to be his WOMAN. You are a placeholder for his permanent one.”

I sat up. Not good enough to be his woman?

I’ve often felt like I was never good enough. My self-esteem hasn’t been the highest. Although I was always told I was beautiful, I didn’t really believe it – I was fat. I didn’t have a nice shape and I was bigger than most guys – but I was still cute and my smile lit up a room.  I knew I was smart – my grades showed it. I was a little short on being street smart until I got to the streets and had to learn to navigate. I never quite learned how to navigate relationships with men though.

I was always good enough to converse with because I do have a nice conversation. I have a brain and I can go from goofy to intellect in a split second. I was nice to hang around because I carry an aura of comfort; of loving. I can cook a little bit, so of course I was good enough to make meals for a man. Of course I was always good enough to have sex with. I’m a nice looking, fluffy woman that’s well endowed. I take care of my kids. I’m smart. I’m funny. I’m loyal.

But I still wasn’t good enough.

 I wasn’t good enough for my father to love me enough to show me that I was indeed worthy to be treated like a human being.  I didn’t have a very high bar to compare any man to. Attention was enough I suppose. I wasn’t good enough for my ex to not marry a woman that I knew was all the way wrong for him, but yet he still came to me on plenty of nights until I stopped him. I wasn’t good enough for the guy who told me he wouldn’t hurt me, but he didn’t want a relationship…after sex. Or the one that said that no man would really want me because of my ready made family. Or the one who stopped talking to me when I took sex off the table. Or the one that sent unsolicited penis pics. Or the one who thought I would stay despite his abuse.  When I got married, I felt that finally I WAS good enough…I secured a lifelong bond with a man I was madly in love with…

But I wasn’t even good enough for my husband. No matter how loyal or loving or supportive I was, I just wasn’t good enough to keep him from the abandonment or the side chicks.

In the aftermath of all of this, I find that I am still just not good enough. I’m good enough to hang with or converse with, or even to sex…but I’m not good enough to be a man’s significant other. I’m not good enough to be the ONE.

My attributes are great. I am wonderfully flawed.  I’m beautiful. I’m sarcastic. Intelligent. I like sports. I cuss like a sailor. I am articulate. I can get moody. I can appear standoffish or disinterested.  I can discuss politics, Beyonce, Maya, and Bugs Bunny. I am lovingly loyal – I would say to a bit of a fault. I am a sweetheart when I want to be. I’m the perfect homegirl. I’m caring. I’m supportive – an awesome cheerleader. I adore my children and my grandchildren. I will go to war with the world over my children. I love my family. I work hard. I hustle harder. I strive to be the best I can be with all my flaws. 

This year marks my 40th year on this Earth. I look at the world through a lens of life experiences. I do have faith in God, something I can’t say I’ve always had. My confidence level as definitely increased by the multitudes. But, in the area of relationships and commitment, something always falls relatively short. And with all the #inboxfoolishness I get, with all the dates that are made but never completed, all the notions of just wanting sex from me and nothing more, I wonder…

Will I ever be good enough?

Transparent by Angenita Williams

stock-photo-clear-forest-in-glasses-on-the-background-of-blurred-forest-164665187I feel like I need to be extremely transparent right now….

About a week, well maybe not even a week ago, I was on Facebook (of course) and a woman posted a status in Relationship Soup (www.relationshipsoup.com) about where the notion of women “not needing a man” came from. Of course, I responded, and there was a really good and intense conversation about the subject. Men and women had a lot to say, and both had valid points. But, it was the originator’s comment that stuck out to me…

…I understand the joy, happiness, and peace that a man could bring to me…

I pondered that for quite a while, and it hit me…I have no clue what that feels like…I have no clue what that even looks like…and tears welled in my eyes…as if I have missed something altogether…or lost that opportunity to ever know what it feels like…and when the realization hit me…my spirit wanted to feel it…

From the start, I haven’t experienced those feelings from a man. Sure, there were some good times, fun times, love times…but overall joy? Overall happiness? Overall peace? No. And that is so sad to me…to not feel the security of a man, but his disconnect with me. Not to feel the happiness or joy of his presence, only heartache and disappointment. To know how I just wished he could get his shit together so that we could be happy…but never having it come…consistent worry about infidelity…never really knowing that I didn’t have to put up with it and not truly understanding the diamond I truly was…and how I did deserve so much better…

I wondered…was it me? Did I block it by focusing on the wrong thing, or was a hint of it even there? Was I so blinded by wanting love that I moved towards the fantasy of it and lived the nightmare from my own insecurities?

Just how deep does it go?

When I read that, and simmered on it, I decided…I want to know…I want to experience that…so I end this by saying…that all the years of me saying I don’t need a man are being thrown out the window…I realize I do need him…to show me the other side of joy, happiness…and most of all…the peace of what a companion could bring to me…I don’t have to go at life alone as I conditioned myself to believe…

But…he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing…so I’m not gonna search…I will let him find me…and in the meantime, I’ll continue to work on me, get me in order, reach higher, dream bigger, and complete my goals so I can be ready to receive everything he has to offer…

Well Done, Maya by Angenita Williams

She rose from the depths
Of what society said
She should be
Tall, black, woman

Silenced
For years
After her words killed
A violator

But still, she rose

Her stature captured nations
Civility unmatched
Humble beyond measure
Loving spirit

Wisdom…
A teacher
A motivator
A Queen

And still…

Clouds produce storms
Rainbows are the products of storms
And clouds
They happen when the sunlight reflects moisture 

In the air
At just the right time
And angle
Nature’s splendor 

And still…

Her quotes…
Made you say…
Where did she get THAT?
How was that obtained? 

And her works
Will guide
On exactly where it was
Revealed 

And Still… 

Her voice…unmistakable
Her spirit…full
Her life…of purpose
Her legacy…everlasting
Her honor…noble
Her being…marvelous

Simple, awesome…love

When I wrote the blog last October, Clouds and Rainbows, I knew that Maya Angelou was ill. She was still boisterous, funny, and full of wisdom, but her body was frail. The shell that housed her was getting weak. But in her strength…she didn’t let it be known…

The strength of this woman is unlike many I have seen. By rights, a teen mother should not be this successful and full of life. She shouldn’t have all these experiences. She should grow to be a welfare mother with a house full of children with no daddies. Stigmatized. Alienated.

But through love and guidance, THIS, teen mothers, abused women, lost and lonely girls…THIS…is what you CAN be. Life can toss you so many things, and people can give you so many excuses as to why they can’t do something. But the LIFE of Maya Angelou dispels everything that anyone can say to you to impact you negatively. Her statuesque life. Her larger than life personality. Her…spirit motivated you to want to move. A simple reading of any of her works will get you up and out your seat.

God called her home on May 28, 2014. His purpose for her shell is done.

Rest in Peace, Dr. Maya Angelou. I’m sure you have already heard this by a bigger voice than mine, but, job well done. JOB WELL DONE …

Whatever you want to do, if you want to be great at it, you have to love it and be able to make sacrifices for it…

~Maya Angelou

Unbelievable! by Angenita Williams

symbolic illustration on violence against women - stock vector

It’s undeniably unbelievable that a man can be convicted of raping a woman, and he gets sentenced to twenty years, yet doesn’t do a day in jail. He gets to have eight years worth of home detention.

A pound of marijuana gets you up to three years behind bars.

Last time I checked, possessing marijuana isn’t violent.

Maybe he got to go home because he raped his wife. I mean, it IS her wifely duty to sex her husband, right?

Last time I checked, a woman can say no to any type of sexual pressure, no matter WHO it is.

This has me so heated because rape victims rarely come forward because of the scrutiny they face. It breaks down to a he said she said. And if her skirt is a little too high, her shirt a little to low, it is deemed as an invite for sex. I mean, she should know better, right? Like if she doesn’t want sex, she should cover herself and act like a lady, right?

Last time I checked, we can wear what we want, when we want, how we want, and we shouldn’t be subjected to the assumptions or force of men to fulfill their desires.

While I’m ranting, let me mention the woman in Indianapolis who was shot fourteen..yes…fourteen times by her ex-husband while they were in the midst of a custody battle. He was arrested in Kentucky and brought back to Indiana. She survived the attack. He was placed in jail on $100,000 bond. However, his bond has since been decreased to $25,000.

Why was his bond decreased? He pumped fourteen bullets into a woman. He is VIOLENT. WHY should he be offered a lower bond? He didn’t shoot her once or twice. He shot her fourteen times. He had malicious intent to kill, but now, if someone puts up $2,500, he could be walking around the neighborhood, looking for another opportunity to take her out. Oh, not to mention, a protection order was in place when this happened.

Unbelievable!

The only solution that I can think of is to be prepared. But really, how can you be prepared against a husband who forces you to have sex, then gets to go home? Sure it’s on his record. But he can have access to you. He can still be a threat. And you could call the police. But, would they make it in time?

It’s Spring – Time for Growth by Angenita Williams

 

Morning sun beams in the blurry spring forest. - stock photo

As usual, this time of year brings reflection time for me. I am another year older, and still on this journey. Without the graces of God, I wouldn’t see another day. To Him, I give the glory.

At this time in my life, I am excited about new horizons. I’m meeting new people. I am opening my mind to new ideas, and getting closer to my dreams. When I turn around and look at the past, I realize that if I changed anything about it, I wouldn’t be at this new peace in my life. He brought me to it and pushed me through it. How can I not be thankful and grateful?

Not that long ago, I reached my breakthrough. And now I’m on the other side of it. There is light in my sky…taking me to my life’s destiny.

Positive feels so much better. Good energy – synergy – is awesome. When something doesn’t go the way I feel it should, I look on the bright side. Take what’s important, and run with it. Because if God doesn’t provide it, then obviously, it’s not meant for me.

Holding on to negative feelings, brings negative energy which takes more out of you than to simply say, “Lord, what is it that you need me to do for You today?”

Someone told me (Faith) that I look different that I did months ago. I smiled and batted my lashes (my yearly treat to myself).

“It’s my lashes, right?” I asked and chuckled.

“No, honey. It’s your spirit.”

No Unity by Angenita Williams

I just have one question – Why are Black women scapegoats in the deterioration of our community?

I ask this question for a few reasons. One, I have seen at least three videos of Black men who say that Black women are the reason behind the fall of our community. One agreed with Bill O’Reilly when he said that is Black young ladies getting pregnant at a young age, not holding kids to being responsible, thwarting the notion of education, and raising violent kids as the reasons for the rise in Black on Black crime. Oh?

So, we just absolve the men of their responsibility in this as if pregnancy occurs without the input of a man. As if being a single parent is a dream. As if other young ladies of other races don’t get pregnant early.

The reason our community has fallen to the wayside is because there is no unity in the community, and no family unit. To thwart the notion that our history has nothing to do with it is straight tomfoolery.

Historically, the poor man, Black or White, was kept out of the home so that the mother could receive assistance. A lot of that had to do with the fact that the men of the home could not find employment to take care of his family. If he lived in the home, he stopped his children from eating. That helped create the cycle of fatherlessness as well. I mean, why would not ensure the entire family can eat? Why not promote the family unit? I don’t care what Bill O’Reilly says, our society now is a direct consequence of certain laws and stigmas created way back then. (Not to mention, Congress wants to eliminate abortion rights, and birth control. Not only that, they want to do away with programs to help the poor class. So, they want to tell me I can’t decided on when and where to have a kid, but they don’t want to assist with the raising of it…that’s another blog.)

Being a single parent is not a dream situation especially if you are young. People make mistakes, and younger people tend the have the thoughts of being invincible – the perpetual “It will never happen to me” thought process. What’s sad is that many go through these stages without the proper information about life. As parents, it is up to ALL of us to school our kids on the realness of life as a whole. And sex education is a part of that. The sex talk needs to be done in the home and at school, and not just the physical aspects. Contrary to popular belief, pregnancy is only ONE aspect of the danger of having sex too early. Like the emotional ties, the self worth consequences, the disappointments, diseases, and labels. We tell our sons to sow their oats, and tell our daughters to keep it tight. That is a mixed message if I’ve ever heard one. It’s ok for a man to have hundreds of women, but a woman is a whore. #DoubleStandard

Our kids see so much ratchetness and think that’s how life is supposed to be. Our entertainment influences (which is one thing I had to agree with) need to have a little more responsibility. I know it’s about money. I know the stars want to ‘get it.’ Being rich is virtually the American Dream. But to whom much is given, much is required. For Bible thumpers –It’s in the Bible. Luke 12:48.

The funny thing is, shows like All in the Family pushed the envelope, and it was not censored. It showed bigotry and sexism on a new level that could not be done today. But that has been replaced with shows like Basketball Wives and Love & Hip Hop. Notice the focus. Basketball and Hip-Hop – two areas that little Black kids aspire to be in. Is that a coincidence? Big booties and the illusion of having money. We, as a people, have turned into materialistic, amoral, and worst of all, selfish.

But it’s not just on the women. Men, you share your part in this whole cycle. We have created children out of lust, not love. And men and women BOTH have a part in that. The point where a man decides that having responsibility is too much or taking away from him is the point at which his children lose. What’s really messed up is that his father probably did it to him. Fatherlessness is a real epidemic, and these children are hurt, angry, and they feel worthless. So what do they do? Get aggressive. Resort to guns and the glorified lifestyle of drugs, cars (whips), jewelry (chains), and sex.

Let’s not forget – the Black woman had to put the master’s children before her own. She carried the weight of raising kids that were not hers, as she watched hers be taken from her and sold off. Remember, the Black woman had to carry the weight of the world, and still does, because she is not only a woman, but she is also Black. And to hear our Black men tear us down, and blame us for the breakdown of the community, well, it breaks my heart. I mean, we are supposed to have each other’s back, right? So I ask them – what are YOU doing to benefit YOUR community?

Mishaps and Missteps – Angenita Williams-Childs

A lot has gone on this week, so it’s hard for me to focus on one thing to blog about. The Troy Davis execution was the mainstay for a while. Now it seems that people have forgotten.

I am not totally against the death penalty. I believe that if you take a life; yours should be taken, especially if you kill a child. However, there can be no doubt about your guilt whatsoever. Not one shred of doubt, and there was entirely too much doubt in Troy’s case, which shows me that the system will kill rather than say we were wrong. We live in America, a supposed free country, yet our leaders cannot say they are wrong, which strikes fear in me for my children and grandchildren. Innocence is a fantasy. We may never know if Troy was innocent or not, but he should have been given a retrial to find out.

Indianapolis has a mayor race going, and it’s getting ugly. On one hand Melinda Kennedy, the opponent suggests that the current mayor, Greg Ballard, allowed crime to rise. Her radio ad says that Indianapolis has a rising aggravated assault rate, and one of the most dangerous cities. Melinda Kennedy says that she will put more police on the street without a rise in taxes. I say, will that help? People are HUNGRY. Unemployment is rising. Our schools churn out criminals with their low expectations. Everyone is a paycheck from losing everything, and if you are unemployed, you can’t get a job because of discrimination against the unemployed. People are angry, and what fuels aggravated assault? Anger. Instead of adding more police, give teachers more leverage to teach. Make it a crime to discriminate based on employment status. Be PROACTIVE, not REACTIVE. You’ll spend less money that way. Elected leaders are acting with no common sense. Citizens are blind.

America is a mess…

Random Thoughts by Angenita Williams

I had no idea what I was going to blog about today, so I just thought I would post some random thoughts that have been lurking for about a week now.

1. Charlie Sheen is obviously sick.
2. My birthday is coming soon and I’m excited.
3. Georgia will be my new home.
4. Life doesn’t always go  how you want it to, but it happens exactly like it should.
5. Prayer doesn’t just happen at night, it should happen all day.
6. Moving on is hard to do, but in order to do so, you must forgive your past.
7. Roadblocks are placed in your life to slow the pace, and possibly to divert disaster.
8. Lying to yourself about what and who you are contradicts what and who you are.
9. Excuses are phrases used when you don’t handle business.
10. Giving up pork and beef is harder than I thought.

See, I told you, just random thoughts… 🙂

%d bloggers like this: